Overwhelmed

Lately it feels like I live in the middle of several volcanoes that are simultaneously erupting. 

Alex and I took Elliott to a friend's birthday party yesterday. The party was awesome, but I just don't think we were ready to venture out into the public yet. Elliott has been very sensitive lately--about every little thing--and I've been very overwhelmed. We ended up leaving early after both of us threw several tantrums.

I talked with Alex today and we both agree that we need to find our way back to our original parenting goals and really work on our relationship with Elliott. We love him so much but have been so completely derailed by everything that's going on that we often find ourselves very disconnected. For example, I've been putting Elliott in time outs a lot and yelling, which is something I never wanted to do as a parent and something that, frankly, just doesn't work as a parenting tool.

Overwhelmed is the word of the day, I think. I keep stressing over one thing which snowballs into 10 and then 100 things and keeps building and building until I just melt down. I need to learn to take small bites and not try to eat the whole cake at once. First things first, I need to get on the same page with Alex and work on connecting with Elliott. I forget sometimes that he lost his sister, too and that he is affected by this just like I am. Plus he's started preschool and all sorts of other toddler craziness has been going on. No wonder my little guy is struggling...

I guess we should also cut ourselves some slack while we're at it. We have to be out of the house by November-ish which means cleaning, organizing and packing several lifetimes worth of crap in just a few short months. We also have to find a new place that's a) affordable b)in the area c)large enough for all 4 of us and d) decent. All while coping with the loss of Flora, continuing to cope with the loss of my mom and papa, and and and...well, just a lot of other shit.

And before I forget, we made a great start to our "healthier lifestyle" last night. I made a good dinner that we ate at the table as a family and then we went for a short walk around the neighborhood before bed. We also read books at bed time instead of watching TV! Progress is good! Breakfast this morning was pretty healthy then lunch was a smorgasbord of leftover party food at a friend's house and vegging out in front of the TV. We're only on day 2 of this whole health thing, so I'm giving us a free pass for our gluttonous lunch. Plus I already have a healthy meal brewing in the crock pot for tonight and plans for another walk before bed time so I am really for real taking this as seriously as I can right now. Pinky promise.

I'm trying to keep "baby steps" in mind right now. What's one thing I'm grateful for today? My wonderful, sweet, attentive, strong husband who always stands by me and gives me the help I need. It feels nice to come home after a crazy day and be met with his loving embrace and encouraging words. Today...right now...that makes things a little bit easier on me.