Work Sucks

My husband has to go back to work soon, maybe even this week. This is something I definitely wasn't expecting and something I'm definitely not ready for. I've been barely hanging on since Flora died, having the courage and strength to actually get out of bed and pretend to live mainly because I know I have him here to help. What the hell am I going to do now?

It's easy to set goals and get out and do things when I have a partner to pick up my slack and catch me when I fall. Once he goes back it's just me and Elliott, all alone from 7 am to 8pm Monday through Friday. Unless you count my grandma, which I sometimes do but mostly don't. She helps sometimes, and other times (almost all the time) makes me feel like a worthless asshole. Why, just today I was told that Alex is a working man who should have the freedom to be gone as long as he needs to. I'm just a stay at home parent and I have zero right to miss him or complain at all. Lovely. Can you tell why I so desperately want him to be able to stay?

This whole conversation about how selfish I am started because he has a job interview tomorrow with a very important company that's offering a significant pay increase. The job is temporary; it only lasts one year. But for that one year we might get closer to our goal of independence than we ever thought possible! I hope he gets it, but I also feel really sad because it's a long commute which means he will be gone all day.

I made stuffed bell peppers for dinner tonight, which are still not ready. My bad. Bedtime is going to be extra late tonight and I hope these damn peppers prove to be worth it. I also hope Elliott actually eats them. He's a great eater and will usually try new things without too much fuss, but I worry that these might be a little too exotic for his toddlerian palate.

We walked to and from school (~20 min both ways) today so no night walk. El is already looking healthier! Lunch was good and light: leftover pot roast and roasted asparagus with sliced strawberries and veggie fries. He also had a cherry pistachio granola bar. I'm feeling really good about all the healthy, positive changes I'm trying to make for him. I grew up fat as fuck and it sucked. I ate garbage every day and I'm honestly surprised I didn't end up with early-onset diabetes or some other horrible disease. I'm still fat, but I try my hardest to eat healthy, whole foods and I want El to eat healthfully, too.

Alex and I ordered Soft Claws claw caps a while ago and they finally came in today. They're kind of like acrylic nails for cats and I'm very excited to try them. Poor cats, hahaha. Those little brats need something to help them curb their scratching habit. Rigby got a bath tonight for the first time because his feet were covered in his own shit. He was not pleased. These cats piss me off, but I'm quite glad to have them around to entertain me.

Today was pretty uneventful so I don't really have much to say that's of importance. Another 30 minutes until the moment of truth is upon us and those peppers are done so I might as well go sit around with my thumb up my ass for that time, right? I rarely get the chance to do that, anyway....